New England Sports Teams.
Arsenal/ Real Madrid / Bayern Munich.
Game of Thrones.
Pretty Little Liars.
It took me 18 years to realise Saturday has turd in it
It took me 18 years and somebody else’s text post to realise Saturday has turd in it
(via walshy-and-pinoe)@18 hours ago with 99998 notes
when i was 4 my dad asked me what i wanted to be when i grow up and i replied ‘daddy i want to be a cheesecake’ it’s been 12 fucking years and no one has let me forget it
(via pizza)@18 hours ago with 89254 notes
There needs to be a bar or club or something that when you walk in there’s a rack of different color wristbands with words like “I looking for-“
- no one
So that everyone would know who’s looking for who.
"Hey that girl is cute. And her wristband says she’s also looking for a girl. Sweet!”
"He’s cute, but his wristband says girls. Oh well."
you are the future
(via murlin09)@19 hours ago with 68715 notes
"if feminists want equality does this mean we can punch women now?"
go ahead chicken shit punch me in the fucking face. i will shove your entire upper body into your own ass and make you fuck yourself from the inside out
(via hopesohara)@19 hours ago with 30066 notes
@18 hours ago with 174484 notes
tHERES A SKELETON INSIDE MY BODY RIGHT NOW OH MY GOD
literally all tumblr does is make fun of people and then get mad at people for making fun of other people
(via landofstories)@18 hours ago with 149049 notes
my last words are probably going to be ‘wait what’
(via cubswanson)@19 hours ago with 165486 notes
|(A gay couple has just met up in the restaurant and kissed each other upon arrival. Another customer has seen this and is obviously angry.)|
|Angry Customer:||“Damn f**s.”|
|Gay Man:||“Excuse me?”|
|Angry Customer:||“You heard me, you little s***. Let’s not make this into some little pride protest, okay? I have to accept that you’re going to live your lifestyle, and you have to accept that I’ve got freedom of speech.”|
|Gay Man:||*quietly* “Is it too much to ask for a little human decency?”|
|Angry Customer:||“Human? Listen up, what you’re doing is not human. I think I have the right to determine what I think is human.”|
|(The manager shows up. He’s a quiet Italian man who I assume is conservative due to the Christian imagery and portrait of Reagan he keeps around the restaurant.)|
|Angry Customer:||*to the owner* “Hey, can you move either them or us to another table?”|
|(Instead of responding to the angry customer, the owner instead speaks to his wife.)|
|Owner:||“I’m sorry ma’am, but we have a strict ‘no pets’ policy in my restaurant.”|
|Wife:||“Uh, I, uh, what? I don’t have a—”|
|Owner:||“Well, according to your talking monkey over here, I can determine who’s a human and who’s not. You bring an animal into my restaurant; I gotta assume it’s your pet.”|
|(The angry customer storms out. When I left, the owner was giving his description, and copies of security camera footage, to the biggest crowd of police I’ve seen. Apparently it’s a bad idea to not pay your bill at a restaurant that gives free coffee to cops.)|